How to be a Psychopath - complete text
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Copyright © Adam Jacobs
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how
to be a psychopath
a
fieldguide
psychopath: from Greek psykhē mind, and
pathos suffering.
Forward: My mother was at Port Arthur on April 28,
1996, when a gunman killed 35 people. Her career as an education officer ended
and she has lived with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for 25 years. She has a
low tolerance for a kind of bedside manner she would describe as beating-around-the-bush;
she knows the importance of the relationship she has with her therapists, and
she also knows what works for her. She has a wicked sense of humour and is my
inspiration. Not surprisingly, I come to you as an ex-teacher who went back to
school to study psychology and counselling, and I go to pubs and tell jokes to
strangers about being a Tasmanian. The apple didn't fall far from the tree.
So, I created a guide, removed all the bush-beating and
was left with a joke! I discovered there were two ways to approach
this. Either way requires intent. This is the joke. No one intends to
be a psychopath. The tragedy of circumstances, bewildering neglect, loveless
isolation, etc. collide to create developmental problems for individuals who
then develop a strange relationship with the world. This is the harsh
reality behind the joke. This guide acknowledges the joke to enable
straightforward explanations; straight-talking directions guiding
non-psychopaths out of ignorance. In other words, incongruent with the title,
this guide is for victims, victims of psychopathic abusers and victims of
psychopathic teachers. Entirely inconsistent with the title, I expect this
guide will be meaningless for the fully realised psychopath.
There are two ways to create a guide for
psychopaths. 1. How to become one, and 2. How not to become one. It has been my
experience that manipulation is confusing. Victims feel stupid for being
tricked and perpetrators do not understand the self-destructive consequences of
their actions. It, therefore, made sense to focus on how to become a
psychopath: The victim can see what motivates a psychopath in practical terms
and the budding psychopath can realise what freedoms they must surrender
towards their self-destruction. In this way, it should be a user’s-guide. If
you exhibit behaviours that cause you to question your social effectiveness,
you may be displaying psychopathological tendencies. This guide will then allow
you to explore your disfunction towards self-destruction or, more harmoniously,
explore it towards acceptance, awareness, reimagining and inner peace.
This is a companion work to Daughter Talk; an
abridged, cut-to-the-chase repackaging. Daughter Talk is a meditation, like a
wave, it’s a ride, it washes over you and sparks your imagination towards
cosmic awareness. This guide puts aside big questions such as who am I? and
answers more practical questions such as how could I have been so
stupid? It exists to give you a heads-up as the psychopaths approach;
they are more prevalent than we like to admit.
Adam
Jacobs
Contents
Sophistication 1
Ego 7
Seen and heard 11
Gaslighting 14
Happiness 18
Possession 21
Empathy 26
Sycophant 30
Narcissism 33
Dear Reader,
You may be mistaken. If you think this instruction
manual is dangerous, or it may bestow irreversible, psychological
reprogramming, you are mistaken. For that you should read my other book
– Daughter Talk. This guide is a prevention-is-better-than-rescue package;
a gift to you to ensure you are not tricked, duped, beguiled, maneuvered,
manipulated and done-dastardly-to. The ‘Do not read’ sections of this book work
as an aside, from me to you; from one outsider to another. By outsider I mean,
someone who is not seeking to become a psychopath but rather, wants to
understand them. From one outsider to another do not fear, potential
psychopaths reading this manual to advance their entry into disturbia will not
be rewarded. This revelatory work will provide them, subliminally, with
self-awareness. The self-aware do not, a good psychopath make. Daughter
Talk was a meditation, this is a guidebook, and I will therefore be using
chapters. This will help you, I do hope, to refine your desperate search for
answers.
To the psychopaths: The temptation to read the ‘do
not read’ sections will be overwhelming. So, I strongly suggest you turn back
now. Ask yourself, do I want to cease being the centre of my universe? Do I
want to stop believing my anger is justified? Start looking in the mirror and
be joyful regardless? Begin appreciating the consequences of an unpredictable
world. Love love? Trust trust? And stop believing you might have been wrong
once, but you were mistaken? You have been warned.
***sophistication***
To
all budding psychopaths first you must consider sophistication. I am not
referring to organisation, there’s a good chance you have that in surplus. It
was once suggested that sociopaths are more organised than psychopaths, but
today neither term is used in a formal capacity and are interchangeable.
For the purposes of this guide a psychopath is understood to be a person hardwired
to be maladaptive. Or in other words, they have learnt to exploit other people
to help maintain their conception of reality. Predominately, the exploitation must
satisfy the psychopaths urge to maintain their unsophisticated appreciation of
reality; they rely on others to dumb-it-down.
The
well-adjusted person is self-aware, but not necessarily a master of self.
Ironically, they are aware of a self that they do not recall acquiring. In this
way, well-adjusted people are highly sophisticated. In other words, they have a
self that is informed by attachment. If you are a psychopath, the concept of
attachment will be discombobulating. If you are not a psychopath you will
remember the loving embrace of family, the mentorship of significant carers,
the validation and support given by extended family. You will also remember the
comforts of the nest; a home where your heart is. You might also remember
significant moments of pain filled with turmoil through which you were guided
then challenged by people who love you and empathise. You may have also been
let down by the ones you love, you may have been betrayed, you may have been
misled. However, through thick and thin you were guided towards developing perspective
and were an active member of a supportive network. This is how you acquired
attachment. In other words, attachment describes the bonding process that
happens in childhood that means you will be socially viable. During attachment
phases the self is formed, or powerfully informed. This self
is multidimensional and consists of tools you acquired indirectly. It is
something like osmosis, you do not recall how the lessons of jealousy,
gratitude and love were taught. You may recall events and significant moments
that helped reinforce these characteristics. However, the imprinting of these
character qualities happened overtime with the assistance of repeat exposure,
happening in a well-adjusted environment that was both challenging and loving.
Collectively, these characteristics are known as self; the skinny version
of it, that you use for first impressions and general socialising, is
known as personality. In this way, I refer to your self-development
as sophisticated.
The
psychopath is not sophisticated. The task, therefore, is considerable. To
unlearn the nuances of your-self and its development is a titanic endeavour; it
is something like trying to un-stain a piece of timber. The psychopath is a raw
piece of timber that will decay in the harsh environment of a reality informed
by the laws of the physical universe; unless they coerce other people to provide
protection. They failed to make attachments; to make bonds that were
developmentally meaningful. Their childhood was lonely and affection-less. They
did not acquire their sense of self indirectly, or unconsciously, as you did.
Instead, they became expert mimics.
Late
in development, once they were forced into socially dynamic environments such
as Junior School, the budding psychopath will begin to observe. They will
observe the rewards various behaviours attract. In terms of reward, the
psychopath will be deeply aroused by any activity that attracts the greatest
social validation.
Do
not read: You too are an expert observer. You have been trained however, to be
rewarded by your observations with a reflection semi-consciously. The expert
level observer is one who receives a reflection of themselves from others in a
social setting reflexively and not earnestly. Or in other words, this
reflection can be compared to a well-adjusted sense of self; subtle changes may
be made to enable greater social effectiveness. For the psychopath however, the
reflection exists to re-establish their entire sense of self repeatedly. Like a
sonar, from a stable and centralised position, a well-adjusted person sends out
a signal that is reflected back; the sonar provides data that may or may not be
of value depending. The psychopath makes observations like a periscope that
looks out across the surface. In this way, imagine the periscope has no sense
of a centre. Imagine a periscope that is looking for information so it can define
itself; in the process it feels unstable and decentralised. This
leaves the sufferer with a painful hollow feeling inside. It is a peculiar
situation; the periscope was never taught to 'see' the submarine it is
supported by.
Like
a Bower bird decorating its nest, the psychopath must enthusiastically ‘collect’
behaviours that return the greatest social reward. In this way, they enter an
exclusive charm school. They are the only student, and their teacher is
society. Therefore, the psychopath will pick and choose the components of
their self and an over-simplified self will emerge; essentially unsophisticated. They
will tune into a situation, assess the social activity, evaluate the reactions,
and apply a social viability rating. Significantly, overtime this process
becomes intuitive; the psychopath will then develop clear boundaries. Within the boundary is a limited set of behaviours that reinforce
a fundamental, oversimplified social viability; they paint with primary
colours they have not learnt to blend together. Outside the boundary are
the blended shades or the subtleties of the human condition; they are unfamiliar
to the psychopath. The psychopath forced into this zone, where reasonably
well-adjusted personalities reside, will be seen to lose touch with reality.
Do
not read: For all animals survival is paramount. For humans however, the drive
to survive is a consequence of a more refined urge. We are seekers of social viability.
It is not sufficient to explain our self-development by suggesting it is a
knee-jerk, instinct-to-survive response. For the purposes of this guide, an
appreciation of survival begins by prioritising social viability. It is more
accurate to suggest, that our bio-organisation is the manifestation of
survival. Our drive to ensure its organisation therefore describes, for human
beings, the active ingredient of survival. Social viability is a phrase that
exists then to characterise the human expression of the survival instinct.
Simply, it means we prioritise the social positioning of our-self towards the
creation of babies. We feel it intensely because of babies, psychopaths feel it
intensely because they are
babies.
Psychopaths
are master manipulators using a restricted number of tools. Their strategies
are beguiling. However, this must not be confused with complicated. The
psychopath is ultimately unsophisticated. They are PhD standard manipulators
because they wrote the curriculum, they were the teacher and the student, they
distilled the measures of success, which must be over-simplified and ‘me’
orientated. They are masters of a limited set of skills. The truth is, and it
is a dangerous reality, psychopaths have very low stress tolerance. Once it is
reached, they can become dangerous; they may apply corrections that are swift and
brutal. They have learnt to manipulate others because
they believe the unpredictable nature of the world is managed by asking others
to stabilize the world for them. Therefore, wannabe psychopaths must stop
moderating and interpreting their internal responses to the world. This type of
self-awareness, that allows for forgiveness, conciliation and empathy, is
too sophisticated.
The
skinny: The Psychopath’s ability to manipulate is powerful but limited. You
must be good at painting self-portraits using only primary colours; the effect
can be striking. Remember, the Psychopath’s inability to ‘paint’ others using
shades and texturing places considerable limits on their self-expression. Your
bold representations of yourself may be compelling, but like the images stuck
on the fridge drawn by a three-year-old.
How to be a psychopath lesson 1: When
it comes to sophistication less is more,
and more is self-destructive.
***ego***
Do
not read: Hopefully, chapter 1 acclimatised you to the isolating of self.
Never fear if you do not have a clear sense of self as extending from somewhere
within. For the purposes of this guide, it is not necessary; if you would like
to go down that rabbit hole my other book, Daughter Talk, is for you. However,
accept that self is a construction or creation of your own
crafting. It is difficult to distinguish between the crafter and the self
it creates, even though we regularly 'talk' to self as the crafter of it.
We have all admonished our-selves, often when looking in the mirror, we say to
our-selves, I'm not happy with myself...for saying that dumb thing at the
party. Consider, who is the ‘I’ that is not happy with the self? We
are hardwired to refer to self in this way; like a puppet operated by an
essential or foundational version of you. Keep this in mind as we explore ego.
After
your-self has become less
sophisticated future psychopaths must then dumb down their ego. This is easy in
some ways and less easy in ways concerning the true purpose of ego. Ego is your
power pack. For wannabe psychopaths this is good news. Yes, ego can be the dirty
word you want it to be - assertiveness, arrogance, domination and want, appear
to be available and necessary. It is important that the individual evolving, or
devolving, into a psychopath adopt a one-dimensional view of ego. Like a
three-year-old child, you must be ‘me’ orientated. Any perceived threat to your
survival will trigger a contracted sense of ego. It is therefore, necessary to
exaggerate and misplace your perceptions of a threat.
Do
not read: Ego is not a dirty word. For those who have an expansive sense of ego
it is a force that builds. Ego is necessary for the building of community. It
can be understood as the energy that binds two agents of creation together. Or
in other words, powers your complement of social tools; collectively they are
known as self. Ego operates in the individual as the gunpowder that pushes the
projectile; it is the motivation to engage love, compassion, concession, joy,
etc. Intent, as determined by the social circumstances, gives rise to love and
joy, etc. If that intent is working towards the expansion of your community
congratulations, you are expressing a well-developed ego. The psychopath can
mimic love and appreciation towards the controlling of others; this restricts
community and leads to gaslighting. Their sense of ego is like that of a child,
it is ‘me’ focused. In adolescence ego becomes a ‘we’ enabler; it wants to help
strengthen the bonds that define its village. Later in life ego must become
‘us’ orientated; it must help build bridges between villages and develop global
awareness. Psychopaths use ego exclusively to power their ability to mimic; their
representations can appear to be very genuine. Often however, they will be
exposed because they struggle to finish what they start, or they become
addicted to launching initiatives they quickly loose interest in.
The
challenge, for the emerging psychopath, is to arrest ego development or to
unlearn a multidimensional appreciation of it. In this way, a considerable
amount of energy must go into the enslaving of others. These binds are best
made by ensnaring those closest to you. In this way, family and friends are
readily available for manipulation. The bridges you build that enables you to
exploit their empathy will eventually burn. But empathetically, friends and
family will let the bridge smoulder considerably before they let the flames
take hold. So long as you give yourself time to scoot across to the next bridge
first before they collapse. Be warned, all the bridges thereafter will burn
much quicker. Eventually they will begin to collapse beneath your feet.
Do
not read: It would be convenient, if there were x-ray glasses that allowed you
to see an underdeveloped ego approach, before it was introduced to your
parents, and you bought a dog together. Yes, looking for an adult who is
energetically selfish, but not going as far as kicking and screaming in the
shopping isle like a three-year-old, may not be too difficult. However, the
adult tantrum can be a still-water-running-deep type of situation, and that
water can be still for a very long time. Acting-out will eventuate but it will
happen when they have control of the environment and cannot be observed to be
compromising their social viability. So, where can you get a pair of those
glasses? Fortunately, the still water does run, and the devil is in the detail,
literally. Look for Jekyll and Hyde behaviour; they are affable and charming in
public, but in the privacy of your company they become harsh and immovable. I
am not referring to a point of etiquette; there are some matters that a couple
may need to discuss in private concerning what is fair and reasonable public
disclosure. By Jekyll and Hyde I mean, a response that is disproportionate.
Aggressive reactions to minor slights that appear to come from
nowhere.
The
skinny: ‘Me’, ‘we’ then ‘us’; stop before ‘we’. This is no easy feat. You may
need to invoke the three-year-old you once were. Ego is another word for ‘I’, I
is a word used to describe an essential version of your being; that enables
oneness and community. The budding psychopath must ignore this dimension of ego.
This contraction will be painful to sustain, and it will attract obstructions
and aggression. But if you are prepared for isolation and ostracization then
ego can be dumbed down.
How to be a psychopath lesson 2: Ego can be a dirty word; very muddy. But using it as a beauty
mask is not worth the price you will pay for disrespecting it.
***seen and heard***
This
chapter is not about narcissism. Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection
and perished; see the final chapter. The wannabe psychopath must begin the same
processes of perishing but not before the tools of demise are understood. First
the psychopath must learn how to be seen and heard - by their-self.
Do
not read:
We all have a desire to be seen and heard. Receiving a reflection from society helps
us refine our social viability and gives us valuable data as we help build a
cohesive community. The psychopath is receiving the same data, but their
filters are less sophisticated. Also, any looking and hearing they engage
exists to be seen and heard by themselves first. Their sense of self must be continuously
substantiated. Therefore, be aware of anyone who believes a conversation is an
exercise in waiting for their turn to talk.
Psychopaths
must make noise and displays to substantiate their sense of self. The noise and
displays need not be overt or overbearing. But every action exists to confirm a
flimsy notion of who they are; this image must lack complexity. The most
effective psychopaths are quiet and insipid. They beguile by appearing
incapable of managing an unpredictable world and lean heavily on the empathy of
others. They will trigger the nurturing tendencies in the people around them;
they will ensure other people make sacrifices towards the stabilising of an
unpredictable world. Be warned however, seeing and hearing yourself pretending
to be incapable of copping means you are learning to not be self-reliant;
in other words, subconsciously you will begin to believe your own lies, and you
will perish.
For
emerging psychopaths, it is important that you understand the power of first
impressions. Significantly, the first impression you make on your-self. Take a moment to process this
concept. Every utterance and any reflection you generate has an audience. What
you see in the mirror and what sounds you hear yourself make must be absorbed
by that audience exclusively. The audience, most significantly, is your-self.
Do
not read:
What you see in the mirror and the sounds you make also exist, in the first
instance, as valuable information for self-definition. This information is
processed by a well-adjusted individual sympathetically to the needs of their
community. The psychopath lacks this sympathetic outlook. The image and noise
they create exists for an audience of one; themselves.
Unlike
reasonably well-adjusted people, who use the reflected images and sounds they
generate to fine tune an inclusive sense of self, the psychopath must limit
their appreciation of this data. It is something like Pinocchio, realising for
the first time that he is alive, but not yet a ‘real boy’. Except, the
psychopath must have no ambition to become ‘real’. Instead, they must fall in
love with the puppet they believe they truly are. This will require them to
believe that, everything they say and every image of themselves they generate,
is correct and without fault.
Do
not read: Know-it-alls suffer. I am not trying to invoke your sympathy.
Suffering with the burden of vanity or to be correct all the time, is two of
many ways the psychopath suffers. The psychopath’s desire to know everything
has nothing to do with a secret ambition to help their team win trivia nights
at the local pub; so, don’t feel bad for them. They need to hear themselves say
correct things and look a certain way relative to the circumstances towards
reinforcing who they believe they are. You will notice this phenomenon whenever
they are proven to be wrong or are challenged by the laws of the physical
universe. Often, in the face of a blaring truth, instead of owning their
errors, the psychopath will casually change topic or, most peculiarly, will
repackage their falsehood to regain legitimacy. The legitimising exists solely
to help stabilise their dimensionless self; it has nothing to do with fact or
proof.
The
skinny: The bourgeoning psychopath, must therefore, be not concerned for the
accuracy of anything they say and any gesture they make; so long as it appears
to have integrity (gaslighting is the next chapter). The burgeoning psychopath
must understand that the noise and images they make exist in the first instance
to reassure their self of its apparent substance. Be warned, a self desperately
seeking to make noise and images solely in the pursuit of its own definition
will perish; it is a severely polluted pursuit of happiness.
How to be a psychopath lesson 3: You
are your own best audien(t).
***gaslighting***
How
is it, in the face of the laws governing the physical universe, that
psychopaths can manipulate reality and appear to change the fabric of time and
space? Welcome to the peculiar tendency for psychopaths to gaslight; to wrangle
reality like herding cats. Beginning psychopaths must learn this skill but
ignore the ultimate pointlessness and self-destructive nature of it. First you
must have a working understanding of the laws of nature; do not fear, you can
choose to ignore these relative to the fraudulence of your conspiracy theories.
Once you know the texture of reality you can begin to stain it. To answer the
question stated above, psychopaths are not required to change the fabric of
time and space, when gaslighting they need only to make it waggle a bit. Yes,
the psychopath must see the world around them as if the tail is wagging the
dog. Or in terms of gaslighting, they must convince their victims to take the
tail for a walk.
Do
not read: We all tell white lies. Sometimes
it is to protect feelings or to avoid extraneous tensions, or for efficacy. The
psychopath may have white lied in a similar way then realised the social
viability boosting potential of subtly augmenting
reality. Gaslighting is plausible misrepresentation. The plausibility is
essential.
New
psychopaths must also learn to become committed conspiracy theorists. Your
understanding of the laws of the physical universe will help you. However, they
will need to be ‘corrected’. This is problematic, your lies will be exposed
ultimately. Most reasonably well-adjusted people are gaslighting literate; this
is also a problem. Be warned, being called-out for your fakery will have major
consequences for your social viability. Try to make your misrepresentations of
reality as plausible as possible. They will be unsustainable and lead to ostracization
however, the gaslight can only burn if the fuel includes large amounts of
plausibility. Too much plausibility and your augmentations will be inconsequential;
you must avoid the truth unless you are pretending to want to be a psychopath
and secretly desire authentic relationships and reciprocating love.
Do
not read: effective gaslighting happens when the manipulator can make their
victim say the lie. Remember chapter 2, every utterance you make is heard by
you, or your-self towards its own substantiation; in other words, when you talk
to yourself be kind. If the psychopath can get you to say the lie, they have
successfully made you change your own sense of self. Be aware of relentless
questioning that is trying to illicit a specific response from you. Also,
understand psychopaths who are not hearing from you what they are coercing you
to say will find a way to put your words in their mouth. Statements such as, ‘I
thought you were the type of person that would see your friends for what they
really are’, or ‘I imagined you’d have the strength to say, screw you dad!’ are
red flags. Phrases such as ‘type of person’ and ‘I imagined’ are image
prompting. They force the mind to recognise images of your-self; because of the
dexterity of the imagination these mind-pictures powerfully influence
self-definition. In other words, this kind of emotional blackmail evokes a
strong image in the mind of the victim of themselves, whereby they conceive
their self as weak or imperceptive. If you are being over-exposed to
phraseology that encourages you to conceive ‘pictures’ of yourself that are
inconsistent with a ‘balanced’ perception you have of yourself, be aware. In
this way, fashion magazines and Instagram influencers have a kind of
gaslighting effect; they are powerful image evokers, planting pictures of
your-self into your own head that are inconsistent with the innate beauty
nature has gifted you with.
Becoming
a conspiracy theorist requires the ability to edit reality. But it’s something
like editing a document by putting whiteout on the computer screen. So long as
no one scrolls down or changes apps the edit will maintain integrity. In other
words, so long as you restrict the subject of your theories to anything that is
difficult to disprove by casual observation, you will be safe. The earth is
flat is a good example; the curvature of the planet is difficult to discern
with the naked eye. But if you try to convince everyone at the dinner party
that ice is not frozen water but is a tasteless mind control substance, put
into ice trays by government robots when the fridge door is closed. Be prepared
to be challenged by physics when the ice cube returns to a liquid state in your
glass without the intervention of robots.
Do
not read: How not to be gaslit? Learn some of the laws of the physical
universe. This dabbling in a bit of science will help you spot conspiracy
theorists and truth revisionists. Tune in to the emotional blackmail. The
reason why you didn’t tell your father to go screw him self probably has
nothing to do with the strength of your character, the gaslighter will want you
to believe otherwise. Finally, flip their assertions; for any argument they
pitch consider the alternative. This is a trick satirists and comedians use;
impartially consider the opposite of everything. This can be difficult when the
subject matter is confronting or personal. Try to remember, a good gaslighter
is trying to coat the lie with as many layers of plausibility as possible. By
simply asking yourself, what if the opposite was true, you will begin to see
through those layers of plausibility. For example, 'I find it hard to believe
that Sarah would tell Jane that she wants to sleep with my husband, Sarah was
my maid-of-honour, what if the opposite is true, Sarah didn’t say that, Jane
made it up because she is jealous of the friendship I have with Sarah?'
The
skinny: Trainee psychopaths, should try to ignore the fact that gaslighting is
lying. It’s a kind of lie that attempts to restrict the flow of another
person’s life. It is something like keeping a bird in a cage, except the cage
must be replaced by words that create the image of a cage; talking a bird
into believing it is surrounded by a cage may be possible for a period.
However, it is not sustainable.
How
to be a psychopath lesson 4: Don’t let the truth get in the way of your
self-destruction.
***happiness***
Beginning psychopaths,
must accept that contentedness is not permitted. I am not suggesting you must
adopt a grumpy disposition; desperate
would be a more accurate characterisation. Happiness, for the purposes of this
guide is defined as contentedness. The closest a psychopath can be to contentedness
is in the act of self-punishment. Yes, the contradictions pile-up quickly when discussing
the difference between a well-adjusted sense of happiness and the psychopaths
desperate urge to seek satisfaction. One leads to flow and the other leads to
demise.
Psychopaths
cannot be happy because self
cannot be happy, including any well-adjusted self. Psychopaths are self-obsessed; more
accurately, they are self-possessed. In this way, psychopaths are
destined to be manic; an endless supply of energy emerges as they desperately
seek to contort their environment as they pander to self. This is true even for
the most, apparently, introverted manipulator. Introverted psychopaths mask
considerable turbulence characterised by excessive sensitivity. All psychopaths
are hyperaware; the antenna is scoping for data constantly. The filtering of
the data requires energy beyond that which a reasonably well-adjusted person would
expend. Energy used for this kind of filtering, that includes wrestling with
reality, creates an excessive amount of ‘leftover’ energy. This imbalance leads
to obsessions. All psychopaths obsess, and in this way can never be contented.
Do not read: We all have ambitions and interests to which we may be
stridently committed to. However, the energy given to your interests is not
characterised by a desire to constantly seek self-definition and validation. In
other words, Your Happiness is not inexorably defined by the pursuit of
something.
Psychopaths achieve a corrupt kind of contentedness
when they are in the act of self-punishment. This
is because, their self is
constantly
seeking its own reflection.
Noisemaking and acting-out must become more potent over time. Psychopaths are
single-minded reflection seekers; this obsession means that a decentralised
self will lose sensitivity. Something like a heroin addict becoming
desensitised; ultimately to
maintain normal functioning they will require the consumption of an ever-increasing
amount of heroine. In a similar way, the psychopath will seek increasingly more
compelling reflections. This may include the possession of others (next
chapter).
Do not read: take a moment to consider the difference between obsession
and enthusiasm. Or ask the question, what objects in your life help define your
sense of who you are. Objects are tangible and intangible; consider material
objects and the immaterial. For example, objects of thought, regularly arising
in your mind, inform you happiness. These objects should be catalysts for
curiosity and investigation, or processing. For example, ‘I want to get my
blackbelt in Karate’, is a thought object. You might hold this object in your
attention from time to time, consider your schedule, your availability to
training, your energy levels, new training techniques; you are not trying to
qualify for the Olympics. In other words, it is an enjoyable, life affirming,
fitness endeavour. However, if your interest in Karate is motivated by
aggression and not defence, to start fights not avoid them, to subdue not
elevate others, you are obsessing. Understand, the version of you, that exists
for social reasons, known as self, is a manifestation of the survival instinct.
In this way, psychopaths will seek to compete. Not all sore losers are
psychopaths, but their sense of self is underdeveloped.
The
skinny: Emerging psychopaths must learn to be sore losers. You should strive to
be the type of person no one wants to play board games with. You will need to
become a stickler for the rules and, simultaneously cheat. When you lose be
sure to pass-the-buck. Learning to allocate blame away from yourself is as
close to happiness as you are ever likely to be.
How to be a psychopath lesson 5: The pursuit of self-gratification
is no gratification. The donkey you are will never reach the carrot. But if the
wind is blowing in the right direction, you might smell the carrot that
could-have-been.
***possession***
The psychopath
must realise that possession is the core of their business. First, they must
become enslaved. Yes! All psychopaths are slaves to themselves; or more
accurately, possessed by their-self. Self-satisfaction leads to
obsession that leads to a persistent feeling of lack. To the psychopath the
feeling of self is a one-dimensional experience. They are amazed by others who
have a sense of self as something they have crafted or arises from within.
Psychopaths sense self like it is a puppet, like they are the puppet; however,
they have no sense of a master.
Do not read: you also sense self in the same way, but with a degree of puppet-master
awareness. Through a process of, what is commonly
known as, enlightenment you can become the master exclusively. In this awakened
state you will perceive self as an arising that emanates from the
‘essential’ you; it is a state that affords you a deep sense of calm. For the
purposes of this guide however, it is not necessary to understand or experience
any kind of awakening. With the exploration of self and how it is that it
arises, comes the opportunity to ensure self, the puppet, is not in control of
the master. Daughter Talk is an invitation down that rabbit hole if you so
desire.
Evolving
psychopaths must ensure their-self is
always in control. Or in other words, the created self, like the apprentice
assassinating their master to claim prestige, must never conceive itself as a
puppet. In an everyday sense, most people are not actively aware of the puppet-master
relationship. However, reasonably well-adjusted people are innately aware that
unbridled selfishness will lead to ostracization and self-destruction; this
default moderating is the master influence. Wannabe psychopaths must
avoid developing this awareness. Self must be the controlling factor. So much
so, that any sense that self may be an arising, extending from the essential being
the psychopath is, must be entirely rejected. This will lead to a hollow,
painful feeling inside. This feeling will be enhanced whenever the
psychopath is in the company of people who are untroubled by displaying conciliation, admitting
they are wrong, laughing at themselves, apologising, moderating their emotions,
etc. Or in other words, appear to be applying limits and corrections onto self
in a way that suggests self is not in
control.
Self, with no
sense of origin is a very confused entity. The psychopath must develop a hunger
for correcting this lack of awareness. This hunger will intensify subsequent to
the amount of suffering. The periscope, that has no notion of the submarine it arises
from, will look at other periscopes and be
confused by the submarine they appear to be supported by. In this way, the
beginning psychopath must learn to possess other people. Regarding the Periscope
analogy, a decentralised Periscope looking at other periscopes will see the
submarine they are supported by as an alluring object. In this way, what is a
deeply authentic or even spiritual dimension of a reasonably well-adjusted
self, for the psychopath will be objectified. In extreme
cases, the psychopath will want to dissect and explore the object, as it is
represented in other people. This will lead to inflicting physical pain and
suffering.
Do not read: hopefully, you are developing a means for understanding why
some people are apparently evil. Psychopaths
are solely obsessed by self; it leads to vanity and self-worship. They see
their ‘being’ as an object. Subsequently, they see reasonably well-adjusted
beings such as you and I might be, as objects also. Reasonably well-adjusted
people are encountered by the psychopath as a mirror, but the reflection is
incomplete. There is an authenticity dimension they are in capable of
perceiving; this leads to a dangerous and obsessive kind of curiosity. In this
way, they cannot empathise because they comprehend others as objects; not
dissimilar to the objectification by which they regard themselves. Imagine a
puppet looking at other puppets and is confused by the presence of the puppet
master. It has no sense of a master, it subsequently wants to ‘examine’ the
master, it becomes obsessed by the substantiating influence of the master, it
is envious of puppets with masters; like a child pulling the legs off an insect
it thinks it can disassemble the master and learn the secrets of its
composition.
In the catalogue
of urges the psychopath is enslaved to, possession-of-others can be an
immensely powerful one. Some emerging psychopaths may develop an interest in
acts of violence for their own sake. This is an attempt to exorcise some notion
of authenticity from their-self or from others. It will cause a hollow,
painful sense of chasm within, but psychopaths must develop a dispassionate
curiosity in the authenticity of others. Be warned, any attempt to ‘look’ for
this authenticity will likely result in crude acts of violence; against
yourself. Yes! It is inevitable that the victim will ultimately be the ‘being’
you are, from which the ‘self’ you are imprisoned by emerges. In this way,
psychopaths are destined to self-destruct; like someone cutting a limb off a tree
oblivious to the fact they are sitting on the wrong side of the saw.
Do not read: if the psychopath possesses you, they will want to control
everything you do. It may appear as if they are power hungry and by dominating
you, they quash that hunger. It is more nuanced to state however, psychopaths are
vacuum cleaners desperate to acquire morsels of authenticity. Any display of
charitable love will be confusing to the psychopath, but simultaneously, be
highly prized buy them. Although they are incapable of selfless love, they do
understand the power of its social viability. You cannot re-train a psychopath
to be authentic, or to be genuinely compassionate; they are only capable of
mimicking these qualities. In the process, they will feel a deep sense of shame.
For what they are incapable of authentically displaying they will make up for
by keeping the allure of your authenticity very close; like a moth to a flame,
or more accurately, they are a moth enslaving the flame. Whatever they do to
you to keep you close is driven by very powerful forces that are very difficult
to unlearn. Such is the nature of their self-acquisition; they acquired self late
in childhood and devised it mostly for themselves, it lacks complexity and,
subsequently, authenticity.
The skinny: Possession
leads to consumption. Consumption leads to hunger. Beginning psychopaths must
accept this irony. Becoming a slave to the puppet, self, is the ultimate act of
possession. It will lead to anxiousness and a powerful feeling of lack. However,
being possessed by your-self is a loss of freedom psychopaths must
endure.
How to be a psychopath lesson 6: The masterless
puppet is in control of the place on the shelf it will be left to collect dust.
In other words, having no-strings-attached is the opposite of freedom.
***empathy***
Emerging
psychopaths have a strange relationship with empathy. Reasonably well-adjusted
people experience pain and often dimensions of this pain are universal. The
shared aspect of all suffering allows for empathy. Reasonably well-adjusted
people believe that psychopaths have no empathy; or in other words lack the
capacity to see the suffering of others. It is more accurate to say however,
that psychopaths are always in a state of suffering and because they are
constantly projecting their self onto others to generate a reflection, they
also believe that everyone experiences background suffering much like what they
endure. In other words, psychopaths look at well-adjusted people as fellow
sufferers. The question then becomes, why don’t they relate to the suffering of
others? To answer this question, we must look again at objectification.
Do not read: If you have been a victim of manipulation and you live with
regret, or find it hard to resolve the question, how could I be so stupid? Rest
assured; you are not a psychopath. This is very good news, but of little
consolation. This guide is your chance to learn how to see the manipulation
emerge in a timely manner. The first step is to acknowledge that empathy is a double-edged
sword. Evolution has chosen empathy as a survival imperative because we are
necessarily social beings. In this way, it has both selfish and unselfish
intentions. To be empathetic is to experience the feelings of another. This experiencing
is often enabled by a connection you can make with your own Life circumstances.
Incidentally,
if you do feel empathetic towards someone’s suffering never use the phrase, I
know how you feel? They are sharing with you, not because they want to know
about you. Sharing is the process of accepting the pain for themselves and
begin the healing process; you cannot climb the mountain for them.
Using the phrase, I know how you feel, is similar to saying, you have overcome
massive obstacles to arrive at basecamp, but you needn’t bother climbing Mount
Everest, I was just up there and took some photos and they will be good enough
for you. In other words, you are disrespecting the effort they have already
made to be brave enough to announce, I wish to share my feelings.
Empathy allows
you to be present with someone’s suffering in an intimate way. But it also
allows you to reinforce your sense of self-protection; to remind your-Self of
the imminent nature of threats and challenges. The psychopath has learnt the
self-protection mode of empathy but not the part that allows the suffering of
others to be reflected in their life. How did this happen? Psychopaths are the
winner take all, driven to succeed, elite athletes of the social viability
race. But it is not a race; they have learnt that social viability is a
competition. From the point of view of a child social viability might be seen
as competitive. However, social viability exists to build community. The
failure to develop
attachment has left the psychopath with no sense of the village.
Psychopaths must
objectify. The psychopath is a slave to self; objectification is a natural by-product
of being enslaved. In this way, they endure a background feeling of inadequacy.
It is as if, their lack of authenticity causes a feeling similar to withdrawal.
There is the possibility then, for psychopaths to relate to the psychopathic
tendencies in others towards a communal recognition of this inadequacy.
However, this lack of inadequacy that causes a feeling of withdrawal, is
overbearing; it overrides any sense of community. Instead, the psychopath lives
with an underlying feeling of hollowness that they assume is an unavoidable
dimension of existence experienced by everyone. It is as real as the nose on
their face; Imagine psychopaths think noses, all noses, are ugly including their own. Feeling any
kind of sympathy for others because of this ‘reality’ is then entirely redundant. Therefore, suggesting that having a
sense of shared suffering is the same as empathy is a mistake. However,
psychopaths must conceive themselves as incomplete objects and make
the same generalisation across all
members of society. The inquiry that emerges as the psychopath
attempts to ‘complete’ the object it is and observes, will lead to the dissection of objects,
not their resurrection. In other words, the psychopath’s sense of ‘other’ is
like an extremely dumbed-down version of empathy, the kind that assumes that a confounding suffering is universal.
That then excuses the pain they cause others as they attempt to understand why
it is confounding.
The skinny: Psychopaths
must suffer and accept that a dimension of that suffering is a shared
experience. However, this shared suffering does not align with notions of
sympathy. Psychopaths must imagine, they are like a bird who has had its wings
removed; they must also accept that the ghostly sensation that replaces the
wings is a pain shared by everyone; it attracts no sympathy. This of course, is
not true; in terms of empathy however, the truth must not concern the psychopath.
How to be a psychopath lesson 7: like fake news the psychopath’s version of empathy must exist to excuse the pain they cause others.
***sycophant***
When
first becoming a psychopath two clear paths will emerge. To be a narcissist or
to be a sycophant. Narcissist can be seen approaching from a distance; they are
image obsessed and the impact they make on others is designed to generate a
powerful reflection. In this way, it appears most psychopaths are narcissist.
This is true, sycophants are, essentially, a type of narcissist. Significantly
however, the type of narcism displayed by sycophants is much more insidious
and, arguably, more common. Sycophants are people who seek to gain wealth, status,
and advantage by pandering to the needs of others. The advantages they gain are
reflections that help define their sense of self; towards enhancing their
social viability. It is therefore in this way, that the sycophant is
narcissistic.
Do
not read: we all feel good when we help others or are given the opportunity to
provide encouragement and acknowledgement. With an expansive sense of ego, an
understanding of it as the energy that helps build community, we can praise and
reward others with one hand and let the other hand be ignorant. Advertising our
charitable activities, or in terms of the biblical reference, to let the left
hand know what the right hand is doing, is an entirely self-orientated
exercise. All psychopaths are self-serving, and whatever they appear to do for the
benefit of others or when they pander, exists to generate a reflection of their
self.
Sycophants will
emerge as expert gaslighters. The consequence of their empty flattery and
agreeableness includes the active attention from others. The tendency will then
be however, to distort all the facts. The truth for the sycophant, presents a magic
mirror problem. The truth causes the mirror to lose its ability to show the
sycophant what it wants to see. Therefore, the sycophant must reject all small
and large truths or at least dismiss them.
Do not read: In
this way, the sycophant is similar to the pure narcissist. In conversation the
sycophant will tolerate the truth with indifference. If, however, the topic
becomes speculative or conspiratorial the sycophant, and the pure narcissist, will engage. A very mild version of this
tendency is demonstrated when reasonably well-adjusted people engage in gossip.
The speculative nature of gossip excites our fascination with narrative. Satisfying the urge we all
possess to sustain the story that is our life, enables us to regulate our social
viability. However, for the sycophant and the pure narcissist it is the only perceived
reason for their existence.
All this, of
course, means that the sycophant risks having their lies easily exposed. Given
the kind of narcissism driving the sycophant, it is very difficult to avoid
exposure. Unfortunately, if you intend to become a sycophant, though it is an insidious
type of psychopathy, you will experience relationships fraught with contention
and instability.
Beginning
psychopaths who are inclined towards sycophantic displays, must also accept
that flattery will lead to exploitation. When a psychopath is exploited, their
social viability is compromised. The psychopath is then forced into a powerless
position from which they must claw-back status. To arm yourself against this
eventuality, the sycophant must avoid meaningful relationships are that are
mutually respectful.
Do not read: Be aware of close-talkers and people who are inclined to
lean-in. They are potentially imitating I kind of, whispering-of-sweet-nothings
into your ear. Be aware too of course, of those who do whisper sweet nothings
into your ear. Once again, for everything the sycophant says consider the
opposite. For example, when they say, your fashion choices are brilliant, accept
they are exaggerating.
The skinny: to tell people what
they want to hear, first you must hear them say what they want. If you want
people to hear what you want them to say first you must tell them what you want
them to hear. In other words, the sycophant must turn need into want, but like
the blind witch in Hansel and Gretel, she can’t turn Hansel into a roast dinner
without manipulating Gretel into stoking the flames of the stove first. The
sycophant is blind, they must borrow the eyes of their victims. To do this the
sycophant must pander, it is only then that they can indulge their greatest obsession,
to gaze at their reflection.
How to be a psychopath lesson 8: you must learn how to lick boots, start with licking your own. Be careful however, that you don’t choke on the shoelaces.
***narcissism***
The last word
must be left for narcissism. Chapter three told you how to activate the tools that
enable narcissism. This chapter will tell you why you must look and what to look
for in the mirror. First, potential psychopaths must understand that well-adjusted
personalities receive reflections from society too. But it is data that is
filtered differently. The budding psychopath must learn, as discussed in
chapter one, to value social viability with the exclusion of all other
intentions. The well-adjusted personality will seek a reflection from society
that enables their social viability towards the bolstering of community; it is
sophisticated. But reasonably well-adjusted people are less aware of the need
they have to receive this reflection. The psychopath must be fully aware and
hungry to receive a reflection from society, and be willing to distort the
source of the reflection accordingly; obsessions will emerge that will lead to
the manipulation of others. The psychopath must dumb down the reflection
society gives them; society must be, for the psychopath, what a hall-of-mirrors
is for a child. However, the psychopath must believe the hall is full of magic
mirrors; the mirrors can be tricked or manipulated in a way that gives the
psychopath the reflection they are seeking.
Do not read:
Reasonably well-adjusted people are, for the psychopath, a sounding-board. They
exist to provide substantiation; the concept the psychopath has of themselves
must be maintained. Accordingly, the psychopath will manipulate the people
around them to provide a distorted reflection. The ability we all possess to
receive a reflection from others helps inform our sense of self, that then can
be adjusted towards a fulfilling social existence. The psychopath hijacks this ability
and reverse engineers the reflection; they learn to change the source of the
reflection, not to learn from it. You will know if you are the source of a
reflection being manipulated by a psychopath because they will make you feel inadequate,
constantly. They must make you feel inadequate because the image you are
reflecting back is incomplete. This is because the image they are projecting is
not complete. The incompleteness of their self then becomes a problem they
attribute to the character of the reflective surface. You are the reflective
surface; this is not easy to conceive because in the process of providing a
reflection reasonably well-adjusted people are also seeking it. It is true
however, the psychopath is look deep into you to see, of them-selves, that
which they seek for their self.
The narcissist
must learn to believe that the incomplete image of themselves they receive from
society is a faltering of society. However, the incompleteness is an inadequacy
that begins and ends with the psychopath; this is a truth that must be ignored
by the narcissist. Consequently, beginning psychopaths must let the feeling
they have that the world around them is ‘wrong’ and they are ‘right’ become a
dominate force. This will lead to powerful feelings of lack and
dissatisfaction. The psychopath must then control, twist, trick, sway the
people around them towards relieving this dissatisfaction. Many narcissists are
very good at forcing others to help complete the incomplete image they project.
In this way, beginning psychopaths must believe that external factors, such as
other people, are the source of their feeling of lack. They must ignore the
reality that their dissatisfaction springs from a hollow void within that will
never be resolved.
The narcissist is
not necessarily the body conscious individual, the fitness fanatic, the beauty
therapist influencer, the tattooed, the
injected, the liposuction-ed, nor are they necessarily the cosmetic surgery junkie. Having pride in your appearance, or
experimenting, or crafting and creating your image is not the same as being
narcissistic. The distinction is important because often, the true narcissist
may be indistinguishable. Psychopaths must develop an obsession with substantiating
a shallow self-concept. In other words, having pride or creative influence over
your appearance is not the same as desperately seeking to define your-self.
Expressing your search for self by making subtle or outlandish alterations to
your appearance can be liberating and therefore, may aid a multidimensional and
sophisticated self-definition. The emerging psychopath must accept an
uncomplicated self-concept, like a caricature. The narcissist must accept their
one-dimensional view of self as ‘complete’. Recall The Simpsons Movie, the 3D
Homer is suddenly aware of his true proportions; this degree of self-awareness
must be vigorously rejected by the manifesting psychopath. This is most easily
achieved by ‘nesting’ in familiarity. The narcissist must learn to reject
change and inconsistency. If they have learnt to be slothful, they must become committedly
inactive, if they are high functioning they must be ruthlessly aspirational. Either
way, their life concept must be driven by a desire to stabilise a concept of
the nest; they are chicklings that failed to launch. They will call on others
to help stabilise the nest’s foundation. Once the changeable nature of the
world begins, inevitably to compromise the structure of the nest the narcissist
will allocate blame; the people closest to them will be subject to accusation
and suspicion.
Do not read: Why
is narcissism such a potent word? So much so that it has become a spiteful term
used to describe people who are self-obsessed. This is reasonable, of course,
but may also lead to inaccurate
labelling and exaggeration. It is important to remember that Narcissus, from which the word
derives, suffered. He fell in love with his own reflection and perished in the
act of its admiration. In other words, he never knew love. In other words, a true narcissist is blind. If
you have a sense of being too self-involved you are not a narcissist. If you
are self-involved and lack the ability to perceive your obsessive nature then
you are a narcissist; and commonly, the self-obsession will cause physical
damage or harm.
Narcissists are not necessarily concerned with the neatness of their clothes or the arrangement of their hair; they may not appear to be concerned for their outward appearance. However, vanity is an indicator, or symptoms, arguably of a narcissistic mindset. Most significantly, narcissist must become obsessive keepers of a narrative. Most reasonably well-adjusted people, have an unconscious sense of their story. They perceive themselves as a character that lives in a story, and the story consists of predictable and unpredictable elements. The character they are, however, is relatively stable. The narcissist, however, must make the story predictable; the sense they have of themselves as a character is flimsy. Narcissism is then less about maintaining an impeccable appearance and is more about maintaining a story that the character obsessively tries to control. For the narcissist, the construction must be reflective; they make a nest of mirrors. The midlife crisis syndrome is an example; external factors are controlled to help the character to define or redefine itself. Many reasonably well-adjusted people may enter a midlife crisis phase but will leave it again once the limits of the body become disconnected from the ageless bliss of a joyful mind.
The skinny: Potential
narcissists must keep a close eye on their reflection. Not because it is
alluring or appealing necessarily, but because it is unreliable. The image is eternally
incomplete; the rendering, is therefore, a process that imprisons. The
psychopath must develop their narcissism blindfolded; the incomplete nature of
the image at the centre of it must be ignored. This will lead to obsession and
hollowness, that can only be resolved by focusing on external factors. In this
way, the narcissist must enslave others towards the substantiation of a story;
this will lead to the burning of many bridges and loneliness. Pinocchio felt
incomplete, in the process of fitting-in he learnt to lie, he become real once
he understood the language of respect and truth. The psychopath must never move
beyond puppet status; they must remain slaves to self, a self that is blind.
How to be a psychopath lesson 9: Fall obsessively in love with your reflection in the pond. Eventually you will dehydrate and perish, but don’t be distracted by the irony.
I hope you have been rewarded by How to be a Psychopath. I want the world to be a safer and less confusing place for my little girl. I have put all my brain power into Daughter Talk and the companion guide How to be a Psychopath. Please follow the links below to make a contribution to help me provide more demystification, ah-ah moments and many more true-words-written-in-jest. Thank you:
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